So, I’m going to show my age here for a second because we are going to focus on Facebook memes/posts. What can I say? A lot of my friends use it alongside other social media platforms like Snapchat and Twitter.
Anyways, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people post memes and/or share posts about the perfect parent. What I mean is they will post about how people take for granted their parents (I usually see it about mothers, which is particularly irritating) because x-y-and-z and how we should all treat our mothers better. The underlying premise of these posts is that all parents are absolutely 100% wonderful and the children better not take them for granted because mortality.
You know what infuriates me about these posts? Not everyone has a good (hell, decent even) parent(s) and how dare you shame them for this.
‘Cause that is what it feels like. Every time I see one of these posts, all I see is several things:
- “How dare you not treat you’re parent(s) right because they love you”
- “All parent(s) are good/decent”
- “Children are ungrateful, hurting their parents by not treating them properly”
- “When they are gone, they are gone forever and no take-backsies”
Now, there are several problems with these premises. Large problems.
- Not everyone has the good mother or good father. By that I mean they could have a neglectful, abusive, self-absorbed, mentally ill (not judging them, but just saying that there are people whose mental illness has impacted their ability to be the best parent they could be), absent (as in they timed out after being involved), etc. We should not be having a conversation wherein these bad parents (except for mentally ill) are made out to be the good guys. Can we not gaslight, shame and lecture their children for doing what is right for them (in survival terms)?
- Some people don’t even know who their parent(s) are! Yes, let’s make out these kids as bad because they have no relationship with the anonymous parent (or not so anonymous but still unknown) who have never been in their lives, and so have had no chance at having a good/bad/half-decent relationship with them. Right, that’s logical.
- What about people who have lost their parents? Are we seriously comfortable with shaming them for how they treated their parent(s) when they were alive? Isn’t that cruel?
- There are some things that we as a society think is acceptable when parent(s) do it but not when friends do it. We shouldn’t be enthroning this as perfect mother/father behaviour, especially since, we know that is can be harmful (not intentionally).
- In these memes, parent(s) are absolved of any responsibility for their poor parenting (or none at all) choices. Where is the asking/demanding/requiring parents to take responsibility for their actions, why is it all on the kids?
- Some kids really, honestly try to do right by their parents but for whatever reason these actions are denied. Perhaps that parent doesn’t want to accept it or perhaps society doesn’t allow for what is actually right (instead of perceived right).
It’s really infuriating to see these posts as someone who has no father in the picture (like don’t know who he is, never been around) and whose mother is an abusive twatwaffle. Having no relationship with her is all about survival and self-care, but yes, go on and tell me all about how I am hurting her and treating her wrong.
See, the overall problem is that of generalisations. People who are postings these are assuming that everyone must have a good parent, and everyone must want to have a relationship with them. But that is far from the truth. So many people have fractured relationships with their parents that aren’t their fault or isn’t the fault of both parties. But, yes let’s shame them for life being complicated.
twofriendscom.wordpress.com 